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Ed Young: Have Sex 7 Days Straight!

Nov 13

The moral and political apocalypse all around us in America hasn’t dampened the libido of Pastor Ed Young in Grapevine, Texas (suburb of Dallas). The media is busy reporting on how Barack Obama will be overturning the ban on stem cell research and forcing taxpayers to pay for abortions, and how the gays are now marrying in Connecticut and rioting in California, but Ed Young is bringing a bed to church, and he plans to be sitting on it, on “stage”, when he issues his challenge. This is how Christians are making headlines in the secular news while the leftist machine implements spiritual and political change.

Not only is Mr. Young pathetically unoriginal, he is disgusting and adolescent in his sex obsession. If his congregation hasn’t learned about sexuality by now, I’m not sure why they have a childcare center. How did those children actually come into being? Don’t you sometimes reflect on the awe-inspiring fact that Jonathan Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, John Wesley, George Whitfield, and so many countless other pastors didn’t have to drag beds into their churches and have multi-day “sex challenges”? Why is that? Are Christians today more ignorant of sexuality? Do they not recognize certain body parts after decades of porn on TV and sex ed in the schools? Are people fundamentally opposed to sex today and encouragement is needed? What is it, Mr. Young, that drives you to such “teaching” in your church among supposed believers?

These pastors are looking for attention. Anything will do: microphones from local TV news outlets thrust under their noses, a chance for a middle-aged man to strut his stuff sexually in front of his congregation, (hey, we’re doing it, too!), a chance to discuss supposedly risque subject matter in mixed company–all in the name of providing biblical teaching. Hogwash. It’s about ego and pride and the desire for attention, no matter how bad it is. That, friends, is the real reason we see these sex campaigns in our churches. God has given these pastors over to their zipper fixations. It is the blind leading the blind today. They grope around in the dark, talking endlessly about sex, and they don’t even know what fools they appear to the rest of the world. What a tragedy.

P.S. While Mr. Young plans his sex-a-palooza at his church, he is completely unconcerned about his repeated hosting of Word of Faith, Trinity-denying heretic, T.D. Jakes. Doesn’t this say it all? They’re not teaching Christian doctrine in churches—they’re teaching sex, and look at the heresy this has allowed in the door. Here’s an idea, Ed. Have your congregation read the Bible for 7-days straight. The only problem is, they’ll leave your church!

**Updated**Heartland Community Church to Pro-Lifers: Get Lost

Oct 08

**Heartland Community Church has apologized to Life Chain leaders for what happened. Read their apology letter here.**Heartland Community Church is the latest church to earn a Toxic Church Alert from Slice of Laodicea. This article from Lifesitenews.com beggars belief. Life Chain is about as non-controversial a pro-life event as there can be. If a supposedly Christian church cannot support those who peacefully stand for life, they need to turn in their credentials. It isn’t difficult to understand why 50 million children have been aborted when the evangelical churches behave like this:

“The pro-lifers explained they were simply praying for one hour for the lives of God’s children in danger,” said Rilott.  But Scott responded that Heartland “does not support your message,” and continued to insist that the pro-lifers leave, despite the fact that they were standing on public property.  Mr. Scott “also had had some unkind remarks about ‘abortion protesters,’” said Rilott. (Bold emphasis mine.)

I do not normally encourage Slice readers to contact toxic churches, but this is so egregious, I am going to do so. You can send along **WARNING: Graphic** this photo as a reminder of the bloodshed that continues daily in this land.

To contact Heartland Community Church:
1280 S. Alpine Rd.
Rockford, IL
61108, USAPhone: (815)395-8000
E-mail: info@heartland.cc

Thanks to Transplant Ministries for the use of the photo.

New Harvest Sexes up Church

Oct 06

Here we go again. The church leaders at New Harvest Church can’t help themselves. Like lemmings following each other off a cliff or like a pack of junior high kids at the mall without an original thought in their heads, New Harvest is following the crowd. Monkey see, monkey do. Kansas City is the latest metropolis to be victimized, or should I say vandalized, by the Lust Evangelism Task Force. Hide the children, honey, the Christians are coming. You think I jest? Here are the billboards thrust into the faces of unsuspecting Kansas Citians. Not just billboards, readers, but 150 yard signs, as well, promoting www.KCSEXCHALLENGE.com. There’s a Presidential election on, the economy is crashing, and the Christians are erecting signs about sex. Onward Christian soldiers.

Reaction, it is reported, has been mixed. If I lived across the street from one of those yard signs and my young son had to look at it while playing outside, I’d give the church some reaction all right, and it wouldn’t be mixed.

I’m done hearing these hirelings’ excuses about how God made sex, and sex is good, and we’re just gonna talk about it and tell everybody how to do it right. What an excuse for pastors, many of which are hitting middle-age, to strut around on “stage” at church getting their thrills from breaking taboos. I have seen these videos, and these guys are having the time of their lives in mixed settings, talking about these subjects in great detail. One church even featured a blog where the pastor’s wife posted personal video updates on she and her husband’s progress in their 30 Days of Sex campaign. It’s an excuse for the flesh and a chance to get media and female/male attention. A word to pastors at New Harvest: Serial killers and rapists get media attention, too, so just because KMBC shows up with cameras doesn’t mean you’re attracting admirers. The media also covered Hurricane Katrina and 9-11, just remember that.

Where do things go from here once these pastors have exhausted this line of outreach? Things will have to get worse more cutting edge—you know that. I’ve already made my prediction that there will be live “drama” on “stage” in these churches soon, all done with married participants to justify it. I hold to my prediction, and the way things are going, it won’t be long now.

Here is the full story from KMBC.

Mark Driscoll: Guardian of Grunge and Seattle Sludge

Sep 26

Here’s a needed piece from CRN on John Piper darling, Mark Driscoll, who began his recent Song of Solomon series with jokes about our Savior and sex. I have been criticized for being reactionary about John Piper and claiming that I could no longer recommend him due to his continuing promotion of Driscoll. Several readers wrote to challenge me on that statement, and I will tell you authoritatively that I stand by every word of it. Joking about sex with Jesus Christ in heaven should remove Mr. Driscoll from the company of all decent, God-fearing people, let alone Christian leadership. That he further blames the Holy Spirit for his spontaneous filth in his sermons is blasphemous. We have profane and filthy pastors who are running back and forth on the face of the earth claiming to represent God and to speak for Him. Instead these squalid jokers bring public shame to Him. Thank you, Ken Silva and Steve Camp, for speaking out.

Hide the Children, the Christians are Coming!

Sep 17

I read another story this week about how a lot of Christians are leaving church altogether. They’re just walking away and not coming back. When I see what “churches” are serving up these days, it’s little wonder why. If you value your children’s safety and innocence, you may want to run, not walk from the new, hip churches. With s-word spewing Christian pastors and church sex campaigns, indoor motorcycle stunts gone bad, and church floors collapsing under the onslaught of moshing teenagers, church has become a dicey proposition.

I give to you an example of why America looks like it does today. We’re not running armories for Christian soldiers these days, we’re running Playboy mansions. Christians can’t take up their armor because they can’t manage to get their pants zipped. Here is a sampling of postcards and promotional materials from various churches in the last few months.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

T.D. Jakes: Ruth and Naomi Lesbians?

Sep 01

T.D. Jakes has been spewing false theology for years, but he is becoming a mouthpiece for the evangelical gay movement when he teaches things like this.

Church Sponsors ‘Extreme Drinking’ Conference

Aug 29

No, this video is not a Saturday Night Live skit. It’s a real church in our state, Valley Harvest in Neenah, Wisconsin. The fratboy-style preacher appears to be sampling the real sauce in considerable quantities, but he attributes his blasphemous, mocking, drunken state to the Holy Spirit.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZq0Q5iyALk[/youtube]

This is pure blasphemy of Christ at the same conference.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXzSOOr8-EA[/youtube]

Linked nearby is another video that portrays something in the UK called “Sloshfest ‘08″ where the young people are engaged in a “Glory Trance Dance”—supposedly worship of the Lord.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOhkc4FLhx4&feature=related[/youtube]

Undeniable Proof that Granger Community Church is Producing False Converts

Aug 14

Christian Research Network has a great piece on a recent survey at Granger Community Church. If you’ve wondered what kind of “Christianity” this archetypal circus church produces, this should help answer the question.

John Avanzini and His Talking Stones

Jul 22

It was a beautiful summer evening last Thursday as Tom and I headed from our hotel to Family Harvest Church in Tinley Park, Illinois. The Inspiring Excellence Conference was underway, and after hearing that Ray Comfort was speaking there, we decided to travel the short distance from Milwaukee to see what was going on. We were initially told by the church that Ray was speaking Friday night, but we learned after we arrived that he had already spoken, twice, on Tuesday.

(Click on photos to make larger.)

We were somewhat early so we looked around at the book and DVD tables in the foyer. We saw John Avanzini’s Millionaire University DVD’s and in the bookstore, we saw more books promising us every financial and physical benefit if we will only follow the blow-dried wonder on the cover. One book on fitness featured a highly endowed blond in a tight t-shirt, flaunting her astonishing figure because she’d learned how to exercise God’s way. Interspersed among the personal enhancement books were an assortment of Ray Comfort books which looked somewhat odd in the middle of it all.

We made our way to the auditorium where the stage was lit up with colored lights. An usher gave me a dirty look so I had to put the camera away. Another usher came up to us as we were looking for seats and directed us toward the front. He grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes. “It’s warmer down closer to the FIRE!” he said and then laughed uproariously.

The service began with the gospel choir and lead singers on stage kicking things into high gear. The band got people on their feet and the assemblage raised the roof as the colored gel lights flashed. After about 35-40 minutes of this, everyone was told to sit down. The main lights had been off until this point. Suddenly, heavy metal music was cranked and the lights all came on as the screens at the side of the stage began to flash the words “INCREASE INCREASE INCREASE”. Giant balloons fell from the ceiling onto our heads—these were enormous balloons–and ushers began to throw what appeared to be money at us in the seats and into the aisles. Children and adults made a mad scramble to collect what they could. They were actually throwing the fake million dollar bill tracts from Ray Comfort. No particular explanation was given for this exercise, and the service carried on with announcements.

John Avanzini was finally introduced by Pastor Robb Thompson who also made his first appearance at this juncture. I had never actually witnessed someone in an all white suit before, and Robb Thompson cut an impressive tanned figure on stage in his white suit and dark blue shirt underneath. Little patches of matching blue adorned his shiny black shoes. Health and wealth preachers seem to favor these kinds of flashy, flamboyant outfits that you would otherwise not see except on a Carnival cruise ship lounge singer or maybe in a club act at Caesar’s Palace. John Avanzini himself strolled out in a dark pinstripe suit and patent leather shoes, looking remarkably like an aging mafia don. A diamond ring glittered on his right hand and caught the lights throughout the evening.

You can hear the opening remarks of Avanzini here. Flattery is the first salvo of these guys, and he laid it on. The message began. One of the hallmarks of false prophet preachers is the constant use of joke telling. Jeremiah 23 describes prophets who “do err by their lightness”. There was certainly plenty of that Thursday night. Avanzini spent considerable time describing the difference between snoring and purring, and he had the audience howling with laughter.

After a rambling, free-ranging talk about the worsening economy and the price of gas, he told us that he would give us all two things to help us get through perilous times. The first was a list of 7 Bible promises, as he called them, that he had printed up on a card. The mixture of truth and error was very evident here.

The list, which is seen at left, gave the following “seven anchors for these perilous times”. Note that the word prosperity as he uses it is referring to material wealth. Spiritual wealth was never mentioned that night.

1. God has already made plans for your prosperity. Jeremiah 29:11

2. Everything you will need and want has already been provided for you by your great God. 2 Peter 1:3

3. God has already given you his best so there is no need to worry about him denying you anything else. Romans 8:32

4. God wants you to live with limitless supply. Judges 18:10

5. Your wealthy place is always on the other side of the perilous times you are facing.

6. It gives God great pleasure to prosper you in good times…in bad times..at all times. Psalms 35:27

7. In good times or in bad times, God is willing to make you rich. Proverbs 10:22

On the show today, I pointed out that there is truth and error mixed here. All of those Scripture verses given do talk about the prospering of God’s people. The idea that this is always referring to physical wealth is patently absurd. Avanzini and all of his huckster compatriots only use Scripture as proof texts for their own ridiculous claims that God wants everyone wearing Brioni suits and Rolex watches.

Avanzini told a story of how his grandchildren sometimes sit and watch him count money at the table. He described his stacks of 100’s, 50’s, 20’s and so on. He mocked at how his daughter told them, “don’t ask for anything, children.” He told us that she should have been teaching them to ask for money. He again mocked how she taught the children to say, “thank you” when he would give them money.  He claimed that what they should have said instead was, “Can I have some more?” Avanzini apparently believes in training children early to be greedy and ungrateful.

The next thing Avanzini said he would give us to help us through “perilous times” was a stone. He went through several Bible references where stones “talked” in the Old Testament. Here Avanzini introduces the stone idea. He strolled down the aisles, his ring winking in the lights, and held out a shiny stone for a woman to hold. Avanzini told the assembled crowd of about 650 people that these stones should be rubbed whenever people faced rising prices or higher prices at the pump. The ushers went down the aisles with buckets of shiny, smooth stones and handed them out. (No, that’s not an unhappy face on the stone, just a weird stone we ended up with. Maybe someone could sell this stone-with-a-face on ebay.)

This moved him on to the seque phase of his message. He began transitioning to his real message by telling the story of Gideon’s sacrifice as recorded in the book of Judges. Repeatedly, Avanzini described the poverty of Gideon and how his offering of a goat was such a sacrifice for someone who lived in a cave. He described how the angel of the Lord IGNITED the offering on the rock. We, who were in possession of the lucky rubbing stones, would need to ignite ours. I’ll give you a guess how that should be done.

At this point, Avanzini turned to the pastor in the white suit, sitting in the audience and asks innocently, “Do I have a few more moments?” Well, not surprisingly, the pastor agreed. It’s a good thing, because as it turns out, Avanzini had a whole new doctrinal revelation to tell us about: the doctrine of reverse entrapment. If you’ve never heard of that before, that’s because God just showed it to him right there. Reverse entrapment is when you put a gift to Avanzoni on a credit card and outsmart the lenders who are trying to get rich off your debt. When you put a gift on a credit card, I quote, “something happens in the spirit world.”  Here he tells everyone how to have a credit card breakthrough. Turns out Avanzini has a way for you to get rid of your mortgage debt. All you have to do is to give him a gift the size of your house payment and God will see that your mortgage gets paid off right away. If you don’t have a house, $500 will do nicely for future debt. Avanzini assured us that it worked for him.

Perhaps the man sensed a few hostile vibes from the audience (from our row in particular) because he warned us not to let the devil keep us back from getting free from debt by putting a gift for his ministry on our credit card. The credit card “invitation” began as the keyboardist began to noodle around with some mood music. Then Avazini warned everyone again not to let the devil keep us away. The people streamed down to the stage area and wrote out their credit card numbers and house payment gifts and left them at the expensively shod feet of the speaker. While the people came down to the front to divest themselves of their money, Avanzini appropriately chose to tell an Al Capone joke. I doubt if one other person in the house recognized the irony.

Avanzini then prayed an igniting prayer over the stones everyone was clutching. Presumably, we still have to ignite our own with a credit card gift, but maybe his igniting prayer was considered the first step. The entire thing was an unspeakable tragedy. These men target the poor in particular because they are the ones desperate enough to need a “breakthrough.” That is the evil in all of this. The rich aren’t stupid enough to give away their cash to the likes of Avanzini. It’s the poor and the needy, the hurting and the ill who desperately need help who are vulnerable to these sharks.

Ray Comfort emailed me yesterday in response to my detailing of what happened that night. He spoke on Tuesday morning and Tuesday night at that same church and did not give a warning word. He spoke the Gospel, he told them how to witness to a Jehovah’s Witness, he talked about how America needs to respect the Ten Commandments, but never once did he say, “the men who follow me will want your money, and will not point you to Christ.” Ray could not do that because he would be insulting his hosts. He was warned in advance about where he was speaking and has spoken in years past at this same church. He made a choice to go ahead. Now he says he will not preach again at a prosperity conference. This is good news.

I saw their faces. A woman I’ll call Pam came up to us just before the service started, thanked us for coming to her church and told us how she was enjoying the conference. She said she had heard Ray speak and was looking forward to Jesse Duplantis the following night. “Come early,” she said. “They’ll be lining up out the doors for him!” When the Apostle Paul left the church at Ephesus for what he thought would be the last time, he said this as recorded in Acts 20.

“I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God. Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears.”

–Acts 20:27-30

He warned. He loved the church. Ray turned things around in his email to me yesterday and demanded to know whether my husband and I had gotten up and in effect interrupted the service like people sometimes do at a political rally to make a point. No, Ray. My husband and I did not start shouting out because the uniformed ushers less than three feet from us would have removed us within 30 seconds, and nobody would have heard anything. You, Ray, had the microphone. You had the speaker’s platform. You had the authority and name recognition and opportunity. That’s why we were so concerned in the first place. The names of the speakers at the church were flashed on a sign out front of the church; a sign that thousands of cars see every day on Interstate 80 that runs past the church. We can’t legitimize these men, no matter how godly our motives.

Bill Gothard is scheduled to speak at the church on Sunday, July 27. His staff has also been invited to accompany him there for the special service where they are promoting his ministry. I called Bill Gothard today before the program and told him what we had seen and heard from this “church”. Gothard claimed to be personal friends with the pastor, Robb Thompson, who wants to use Gothard’s materials. I told Mr. Gothard that I was sure he would agree: character matters a great deal, but without sound doctrine, we can’t even know what good character is. Gothard agreed and claimed he would be listening to the program today. The question is is this: What will he do with what he now knows? Will he still show up? Will his staff show up? What will he do?

For too long in this country, parachurch ministries have been trying to do the job of the local church which is in meltdown. The problem is that these ministries that are often single-issue become so narrow in focus that they lose sight of what’s going on in the rest of the evangelical world. “Don’t bother me with the details, I have a ministry to run. Why should I care about the emerging church, the seeker movement, postmodernism’s influence, contemplative spirituality, etc.? I have a ministry to fund and I only want one focus.” No responsible Christian leader can afford to have this kind of mindset. It leads to people like Ray Comfort and Bill Gothard putting a stamp of approval on men like John Avanzini, Robb Thompson, Mike Murdock, and a whole lot of others by their cooperation with them. Doctrine matters, and who we endorse, tacitly or openly matters.

Yes, Mr. Avanzini, we are living in perilous times. But your lucky rubbing stone is worthless, and your seven anchors that you put on your card are worthless. The only anchor that will hold fast in the winds that are blowing is the anchor of the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank the Lord that His Word never changes, and that despite all the chaos and spiritual confusion around us, His sheep can still hear the voice of that Good Shepherd. “Fear not, little flock; it is the father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.” Luke 12:32.

CD’s of the conference are available from Family Harvest Church in Tinley Park, Illinois for those who would like to hear for themselves.

Thursday Night’s Word of Faith Madness

Jul 18

I am back here at Slice, and I would like to say a warm thank-you to Pastor Kevin Williams, Lane Chaplin, Sam Guzman and Pastor Ken Silva for their help while I was away. I am grateful to each of them for the time spent in posting meaningful material. Thank you, gentlemen! The Lord bless each of your ministries.

Last night, Tom and I were in Tinley Park, a suburb of Chicago, at the Family Harvest Church. This is where the Inspiring Excellence Conference was underway with the Word of Faith leaders like Jesse Duplantis, Mike Murdock, John Avanzini, Rod Parsley, as well as the host pastor, Robb Thompson. Ray Comfort spoke at the conference Tuesday for two ‘worship services’ as they were called. We have the audio from both Ray Comfort’s addresses as well as last night’s heresy-palooza that came accompanied by giant balloons that fell from the ceiling and fake money that was thrown at us by the ushers. The sheer audacity of John Avanzini last night in his avarice cloaked as godliness will stay with me for a long time.

I am going to have a full report early next week on this, complete with sound bites that will curl your hair. This same Word of Faith church will be hosting another well-known (fundamentalist) speaker in less than 10 days that will also be something of a shock for many. Stay tuned.

Woe To You Mr Robinson! Your Heckler Loves You More Than You Will Know. Woe! Woe! Woe!

Jul 15

Commenting on Gay bishop Gene Robinson being heckled in London  (see here) the London Guardian wrote: “Forget what you think you know about Gene Robinson – his is Gospel Christianity of a very traditional kind. This is what Christianity looks like once it has got over its obsession with respectability.”

Except there’s a problem, 1 Cor 6:9-10 says that no homosexuals will enter the Kingdom of God, period. Of course there will be ex-homosexuals in Heaven, just like there will be ex-liars, and ex-drunkards.

It would be more accurate to say “this is what Christianity looks like when you do what most people sat in church buildings do today and completely disregard what God says in His Word, and instead just make up your own idol to follow and call him ‘god’”. But someone’s imagined version of God is not going to save them on the Day of Judgement.

Robinson said of his heckler, ”there is this place in his heart that has been filled up with all this darkness and it could be filled with love.”

But I thought his heckler was very loving in calling Robinson to “repent,” as Jesus commanded. He was much more loving than those in pews and pulpits who stay silent and cowardly refuse to speak out against false teachers.

Stephen Green, of Christian Voice (UK), said: “It is a sad day when you get a bishop in a church preaching something that God himself called an abomination.”
However Robinson responded “When someone stands up and says homosexuality is an abomination, does that make you want to get to know God?” But isn’t that the man-centred philosophy of most of the professing church today? Redefine sin, and talk about it less to make Jesus more “wantable”.

Again their own made-up imagined version of God is not the real God we will all stand before on the Day of Judgement.

 

 

NewSpring Church Features Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love”

Jul 07

Today’s false churches can be spotted very easily. Rather than beginning worship with music that exalts Jesus Christ, they will have “openers” that point to anything but. These “openers” lay the foundation for everything else that goes on in the service. So, for example, when a real Christian church begins a worship service and seeks to draw attention to the Savior, they wouldn’t choose something like Hell’s Bells by AC/DC like NewSpring church did recently. That would be for false churches that are in open disobedience to Christ. Likewise, a real Christian church would not begin a “worship” service with “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce, whose original video of this song cannot be linked to on this site because it is pornography. I would highly discourage anyone from going to see what I mean on YouTube due to the sexual nature of the video. This is how Perry Noble’s false church opens its worship. A false church will draw attention to the world and to man(woman). A real church points to the living Christ.

False Churches Sing of the Flesh

Apr 30

 A teenager who reads Slice just emailed after watching Granger Community Church’s featured church music at their website.  (Click on Media Player in the top right corner and scroll down to Granger’s rendition of Madonna’s “Material Girl” performed in their church service.) After watching that abomination, I went to my favorite hymn site and read the text of this hymn. This is the entire gospel in the text. It’s the difference between night and day, darkness and light, truth and error, flesh and spirit. The counterfeit churches today can be spotted by what they sing about. The new song in our mouths that the Psalmist refers to is as far from the filth of this world as you can possibly get. This is our new song as the redeemed of Christ. It will be our song for all eternity. Praise the Lord!

Sing, my tongue, the glorious battle,
Sing the ending of the fray;
Now above the cross, the trophy,
Sound the loud triumphant lay:
Tell how Christ the world’s Redeemer,
As a victim won the day.

He, our Maker, deeply grieving
That the first made Adam fell,
When he ate the fruit forbidden
Whose reward was death and hell,
Marked e’en then this Tree the ruin
Of the first tree to dispel.

Tell how, when at length the fullness,
Of th’appointed time was come,
Christ, the Word, was born of woman,
Left for us His heavenly home;
Showed us human life made perfect,
Shone as light amid the gloom.

Lo! He lies an Infant weeping,
Where the narrow manger stands,
While the Mother-Maid His members
Wraps in mean and lowly bands,
And the swaddling clothes is winding
Round His helpless feet and hands.

Thus, with thirty years accomplished,
Went He forth from Nazareth,
Destined, dedicated, willing,
Wrought His work, and met His death.
Like a lamb He humbly yielded
On the cross His dying breath.

There the nails and spears He suffers,
Vinegar, and gall, and reed;
From His sacred body piercèd
Blood and water both proceed;
Precious flood, which all creation
From the stain of sin hath freed.

Faithful cross, thou sign of triumph,
Now for us the noblest tree,
None in foliage, none in blossom,
None in fruit thy peer may be;
Symbol of the world’s redemption,
For the weight that hung on thee!

Bend thy boughs, O tree of glory!
Thy relaxing sinews bend;
For awhile the ancient rigor
That thy birth bestowed, suspend;
And the King of heavenly beauty
On thy bosom gently tend!

Thou alone wast counted worthy
This world’s ransom to sustain,
That a shipwrecked race forever
Might a port of refuge gain,
With the sacred blood anointed
Of the Lamb of sinners slain.

To the Trinity be glory
Everlasting, as is meet:
Equal to the Father, equal
To the Son, and Paraclete:
God the Three in One, whose praises
All created things repeat.

–6th Century

Granger Community Church: Where Van Halen Leads the Worship

Apr 14

van-halen.jpgWe are told in the Scriptures that the one true God is thrice holy. In Isaiah 6 we are given an awe-inspiring picture of that holiness as the prophet sees the Lord, high and lifted up, His train filling the temple. Above Him stood the Seraphim, those incredible beings with wings to cover even their faces from God’s brightness, and one cried to another,

“Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of Hosts. The whole earth is full of His glory!”

Again and again the Scriptures we are given a sense of God’s fear-inducing holiness that caused people to fall on their faces and cry out at His presence. When exposed to the holiness (separateness) and righteousness of God, a person’s sense of their own sin is magnified. Our own unworthiness and utter dependence on God’s mercy is made plain.

When the character of God, as described in His eternal Word, is ignored in worship and a new god is erected that not only tolerates sinful flesh but celebrates it, you have a false church. Granger Community Church used Van Halen in their worship on March 1 and 2 to set up a sermon entitled, “Tight Like Spandex”. They have posted the video on their website under the “I Love the 80’s” series on this page. To do this is worshiping a golden calf in Christ’s name, blaspheming the most high God and defiling His name with the filth of this world.

Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.

–Romans 8:7-9

Church by the Glades: “Step Right Up, Folks, Git Yer Peanuts, Popcorn..”

Mar 19

elephant.jpgI received a press release from Church by the Glades yesterday. They’re starting a sermon series on Easter called “Relationship Rehab” and they want to do it up big. The following was slated, “For Immediate Release”. I quote:

“People who pull on to the Church by the Glades campus in Coral Springs, FL this Easter weekend will be greeted by friendly volunteers, fresh Krispy Kreme donuts, freshly-brewed Starbucks coffee and Judy…a 9,000 pound Indian elephant. It is all part of their new relationship series entitled “Rehab.” The purpose? “Week one of the series is about denial,” said Pastor David Hughes. “Many relationships suffer due to a denial of ‘the elephant in the room’—an obvious misplaced priority or passion that the people involved refuse to acknowledge and deal with.”

“Here at Church by the Glades, we value creative communication,” Hughes added. He believes that having a real, live elephant there as people enter the property will grab their attention from the moment they arrive. “We are always trying to find fun ways to engage people and start the teaching time from the moment people drive onto our property,” said Hughes.

“History shows that Church by the Glades is in the habit of doing creative things to
draw people to their church. They have used iPhones, iTunes gift cards, Hannah
Montana tickets and Nintendo Wiis to promote teaching series in the past.

Church by the Glades is located on Atlantic Blvd. and Sawgrass Expressway in
Coral Springs, FL. They have eight Easter services scheduled starting Friday, March 21,
2008 at 6:00pm and 8:30pm. Other services are scheduled for Saturday, March 22, 2008
at 5:00 and 6:30pm and Sunday, March 23, 2008 at 8:30am, 9:45am, 11:15am and
12:45pm. In recent days, Church by the Glades has experienced explosive growth. Their weekly attendance is up 40 percent over the same weekend last year with over 3,500 people attending each weekend. In addition, nearly 800 children are involved with their KidStuf Children’s Ministry. For more information about the church, visit them online at www.cbglades.com.”

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(Bold Emphasis mine.)

Let’s see here. I definitely agree that the elephant will grab people’s attention from the moment they pull onto the property. Circus animals at church have a way of doing that. I also agree that it is, indeed, very creative to bribe people to come to your church using “iPhones, iTunes gift cards, Hannah Montana tickets, and Nintendo Wiis”. I also have no doubt about the church’s claim that “in recent days, Church by the Glades has experienced explosive growth.” Circuses do tend to draw crowds. Attendance will stay up as long as you can keep the circus acts coming and the donuts fresh. If the pastor isn’t already aware of these ideas I culled from various other churches across the country, he might consider the following:

1. Sponsor a Halloween-themed service in October and have the church staff stage a Michael Jackson Thriller dance. The Free Chapel in Gainesville, Georgia did this and even featured a haunted house on stage as a backdrop. If the pastor can’t dance, he may want to consider bringing in a body double. With the lights down, nobody will know. The crowds will love it.

2. Consider a Cirque de Soleil-style Christmas show like Willow Creek Community Church did last year. They hired actual circus acrobats who soared high over the stage and drew gasps of shock and awe. Put that elephant of yours on the high wire over the audience and you’ll really have some shock and awe.

3. Bring in the youth crowds by sponsoring a death-metal battle of the bands. Call the something cute like, “BLOODY CARNAGE ‘08″. Don’t feel pressured to share the Gospel with those kids who are fascinated by death and gore. They’ll simply feel loved because you allow them to eat bats live on stage at your church. They’ll be sponsoring cell group meetings before you know it.

Those are just a few ideas for you folks at Church by the Glades, in case you run out. As for your Easter services, good job on the Relationship Rehab sermon series and avoiding emphasis on the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. People are tired of hearing that old, old stuff anyway, and relationship messages are always relevant. Also, with any luck you will double your crowd with that elephant idea. Who would have thought about elephants on Easter anyway?!